Let's talk M.S.

M.S. has been a real thorn in my side for the past 22 years.

And it has also been my friend.

It has made me a more determined and fearless woman by far!

Looking back, the first signs of it were when I was a teenager and I didn't have energy.

We didn't hear of MS back then.

I believed I was just fat,lazy and out-of-shape.

All 100 lbs of me at 17. Ha!

Home-schooling throughout my senior years of high-school in order to take care of my elderly parents,

I didn't have the usual active lifestyle opportunities that other kids my age had.

I had dreams.

Oh, I had lots of dreams!

Writing.

Teaching English Literature.

Travelling.

Being an athlete.

Challenging mountains and oceans around the world to photograph exotic animal life.

Painting.

Dreams.

~~~~

Poverty didn't exactly nurture my developing body,

though Mom always tried to grow a garden.

With Kelowna, B.C., Canada as my birthplace, it was an easy task to fulfill.

My parents tried their best and gave their all,

there were just too many potatoes in that garden and not enough leafy greens;

sometimes barely enough to go around when they were sick.

We made do and survived but,

when they started feeling better from their various conditions

I left home at 20 to find work to send money home.

I followed my boyfriend to Fort Mc Murray, Alberta.

Job heaven!

We started a life for ourselves and made a life together.

~~~~

MS didn't make itself visible to me until the slightly early birth of my Daughter by c-section.

I couldn't carry her any longer and I didn't quite recover fully.

2 years later I was carrying my Son.

I couldn't carry him full-term either!

I felt so guilty and puzzled!

All my sisters had no problem having babies but there I was,

the only one needing c-sections and I could not even carry them full term!

I felt like that same fat, lazy out of shape girl and blamed myself non-stop.

I made a goal to get strong again for my kids!

~~~~

Then one warm spring day,

walking my toddler and new baby around the block in their double stroller

I fell!

I was at a cross walk and like a flipped switch I couldn't feel my legs!

I hit the ground!

You know, cement is really hard!

I was still holding on to the stroller with all my might,

afraid I'd topple it over and hurt my babies!

They started crying.

I started consoling them through the gasping pain,

"Momma's okay! Momma's okay!"

There were two guys on the other side of the road who came running over to me.

They helped me up and helped me home.

Strangers or not I didn't hesitate to allow them to make sure we were all safely inside the house.

They were angels!

With the Children's dad working long hours I relied a lot on friends.

I made an appointment with my doctor after confirming a sitter, and secretly went to seek help.

~~~~

Fibromyalgia, he claimed,

with a big yellow highlighter across a warning about the possibility of M.S.

He gave me a prescription to take home and try

with instructions to keep quiet for a few days.

I went home;

two babies and a husband who worked long hours.

~~~~

The next day I woke up in the back yard.

My babies crying over my body.

I woke from a chill seaping over me.

Startled!

Wiping drool from my mouth,

I panic'd!

What happened?

Where was I?

I gathered my babies in my arms.

I remember putting a blanket on the grass.

I brought out some toys, bottles and snacks and sat watching them play around me.

I nestled my Son beside me and my Daughter rarely wandered far from Momma.

I was feeling a little queezy from the new meds, so having some fresh air outside felt like a good idea.

I don't know how long I had passed out for.

But long enough for my babies to be crying,

bottles empty,

snacks gone,

and their little faces dripping in tears.

Thank God for a fenced, gated yard!

That was it!

I was getting to the bottom of this!

I made another appointment with my doctor,

grilled him for information about this ailment,

then I threw out the meds and called a masseuse.

If the tissues around the fibre of my muscles were being attacked,

I had better get them in shape to fight an honest fight.

I was a Mom!

And I was going to be strong for them!

to be continued...

@iamcolleensongs

www.colleensongs.com

#MS #MultipleSchlerosis #Diet #FortMcMurray #Kelowna #ColleenSongs