Five Years Ago Today

Colleen Songs
Feb 9, 2018
3 min read

Five years ago today (Feb. 9, 2013 ) I pondered before my computer screen about how I would put down eight-plus years of an agonizing experience into a story that wouldn't leave me, even after I had surpassed it.

A story that would be the tool of my deeper healing, forgiveness, and transformation back to love.

A story that would inspire some, help some and give a different viewpoint to some.

After hearing the story of another woman fighting mental illness and writing about her thoughts of attempted suicide I was guarded.

I was not the one who was ill!

I was the caregiver!

I was the spouse!

I was the one responsible to protect my Children from harm, and I felt I failed miserably!

I have witnessed people turn from ill to happy and knew the tools they used to get there!

Therefore, I have strong opinions on mental illness!

I was sick and tired of hearing about this new-age-plague and knew I had to share my story in order to help others through their existing agony, or prevent them from entering those doors by listening to the 'little red flags'.

Upon testing the waters with my blog when it received over 4000 reads, I knew there was a need.

Then I was threatened.

Threatened by that same woman who wrote about her side of mental illness. The ill.

"You better not say that suicide is selfish. I've kept your comments about the death of Robin Williams and I will make that public."

I was stunned because we were on the same mission only on both sides of the fence.

But I didn't cower.

Plan and execute your escape from a severely narcissistic, bipolar spouse and you don't cower to much.

My comments, after days and days of hearing about the suicide of mental illness were something like "Enough already! Let his family grieve! He took his own life! I know people struggling to stay alive!"

I'm sure if she reads this she will openly copy and paste the actual quote. And I'm prepared for that.

You see I was on the other side.

The side that doesn't get the compassion.

The support.

The blunt truth about what you're dealing with when married to, effected by, a narcissist turned mentally ill.

I lived the story to address this need.

And I recognized that I had to bare it openly.

NO MORE shushing!

NO MORE being bullied into shame or fear to release a message with the tough love moral that will shake this plague into submission and save us some lives!

So I took my blog and begin to weave it into a story.

I wasn't a psychologist, counselor, or therapist.

I was a witness.

It was time to release my agony to give courage to those caregivers of a merciless mindset and dis-ease.

To let them know that "You cannot breathe life into someone refusing to inhale."-Colleen Songs.

For those sucked into narcissism or suffering mental illness: